Uncontrollable by Sara Staggs

Author:Sara Staggs
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Black Rose Writing

Chapter 20

Jonah

“It was terrifying, Jonah,” Casey said. “Imagine if you just suddenly lost your power to speak, and didn’t know why, didn’t know if it was coming back, didn’t expect it.”

The lighting in her hospital room emphasized the bags under her eyes, the shadows of her cheekbones. The thick white bandages wrapped around her head contrasted with the brown wall behind her, making them stand out on the computer screen.

“I’m so sorry, darling,” I said, putting the laptop on the dining room table. With dinner complete, and the children and Ellen watching a show on the telly in the guest room, Casey and I had a moment together. “It sounds terrifying.”

She looked down and shook her head in response.

“You made it through, though.”

She seemed far away in every way, withdrawn into a place where I could not comfort her, at least not how she needed. “What’re you thinking, Case?”

“Just reminding myself that every minute that passes is a minute closer to getting home.” She stared at the camera, and I saw the fight come back to her eyes. “Getting back to you and the kids.”

As if on cue, Sadie’s quick, small footsteps sounded on the stairs, and she burst into the room, wearing her pink-dotted pajamas, her eyes wide and happy.

“Mommy!” She ran over to the table, hopping on my lap with rabbit-like speed. When she looked at the screen, her mouth dropped open, and she turned her face away, burrowing into my sweater. “Mommy?” Her voice was muffled by the fabric.

Neither of the children had seen Casey since her surgery. Although I had described their mother’s appearance, Sadie was too young to turn my words into the correct mental picture: Casey’s new bandages were twice as thick as her previous ones, and there was no hair peeking out from the bottom. To a three-year-old used to her mother having long, dark hair, this woman on the screen probably seemed foreign and frightening.

“Hi, Sadie,” Casey said, waving cheerily. “How are you, sweetheart?”

Sadie didn’t answer.

“Sadie?”

I nudged Sadie. “Honey, it’s okay. That’s Mummy.”

“Why does she have the hat?” Sadie whispered to me. “I don’t like the hat.” She kept her face away from the computer.

I heard Sam and Ellen coming downstairs: Sam’s small voice continually talking, punctuated with Ellen’s brief responses.

“Sadie, it’s okay,” Casey said. She touched her bandage-turban, so thick that it looked like the cap of a mushroom on her head, and patted it on the sides and the top. “Can I show you my hat?”

“Mommy!” Sam ran towards the dining room table at the sound of his mother’s voice, as his sister had done. When he saw Casey’s image on the screen, he stopped. Glancing at his sister, still buried in my lap, he seemed to assess the situation quickly. Ellen stood behind him, her hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t like her hat, Sammy,” Sadie said.

Sam’s gaze moved between Sadie and his mother. He leaned closer to the screen to examine Casey’s face and head.

“Look, Sammy,” Casey said. “It’s a really thick bandage.

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